This is Queer: Joshua

Defining what it means to be queer in our community was easy for Joshua, a Richmond hairstylist and creative.

“Queer, to me, is freedom from labels and the idea of fitting in. Queer is punk and a big middle finger to the establishment.”

Joshua came to Richmond around eight years ago to be closer to family. They since met their husband and carved a creative identity and community here. But their journey toward identity, both as queer but also as a self-identified rebellious, empathic, independent punk, badass, began in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, a place that was much smaller then.

”Queer was punk to me, and that lack of fitting in was a source of invention for me as I got to pick and choose what I liked from them to create my own community; albeit a community of one. Back then, in little Winston-Salem, I didn’t feel like I had a community, but I did know in my soul that there were people like me out there somewhere. And I would rather not fit in than label myself something I’m not.”

But the road to celebrating and embracing that identity was a challenging one, paved with anything but ease. At 16 years of age, Joshua chose to leave high school because they found extreme challenges in coping with the abuse they experienced from peers as well as school faculty. Yet, despite the harsh treatment and discrimination they experienced from those around them, their mother remained a source of love and unwavering support, and at times, they were also met with support and love from unexpected places as well.

“My mom and I were asked to speak at a GLAAD meeting about my experience with education. My mom is a blessing and has always been supportive of me and my happiness. She’s done everything to protect me when I have allowed her to by letting her in on the ugly stuff I was experiencing. After this very emotional ‘ugly cry’ speech [at the meeting], a woman came up to me to tell me that my story had touched her. She saw the pain in me and wanted me to know that in her culture, I would be considered a two-spirit. She was indigenous woman and told me that this designation was special and that it meant I was on a spectrum of masculine and feminine, that I was not unnatural but, instead, closer to the gods because of it.”

Joshua continues: “I went home lighter and eager to learn more about this idea of a ‘two-spirit.’ Before that moment, all I had ever felt was that everything about me was wrong, unnatural, and even hated. I don’t identify as a two-spirit, as that is not a part of my own culture, but that woman’s introduction of that idea changed my life, and I will be forever grateful to her. A stranger that took time to share herself and her culture with me in what was a raw and vulnerable moment for me was such a gift.”

Now, 26 years after coming out to their family — combined with lots of life experience and a community grown around them — they find a great source of creativity both in those that share similar words to identify themselves but also in those standing against adopting labels at all.

Today, being queer and warmly embracing that identity is a central part of Joshua’s life and, at the same time, doesn’t entirely define their identity. They explained it this way:

“Being queer is not everything about me, and it is everything about me. It is at the core of my being. It is at the center of my hardest times and my most cherished moments. Queer is the lens I view everything through. As a queer identifying person in the 90’s, when ‘queer’ was still a derogatory term for a lot of folks, I had to learn to embrace this ‘not fitting in thing’ if I was going to stay alive.”

Joshua embraces many terms to describe themself today. From “advocate” to “empathetic,” “fighter” to “collaborative,” they embrace a multidimensional existence without clinging too rigidly to labels. Instead, they cling passionately and unrelentingly to community and compassion above all things.

“I love the many lessons I’ve learned about humanity through my queer experience and our capacity to love and be open to all. I love the community around me.”