This is Queer: Miche

Miche made their way to Richmond following high school with the aim of transferring into the Virginia Commonwealth University nursing program. But today, at 26 years old, they know another journey of exploration and education was unfolding as well.

“It was after I graduated from high school that I started initially breaking away from this intense feminine performance that I felt stuck in.  I started expressing myself in a very masculine way now that I was out of school and was out of my hometown.  And I started to realize I was trans around the age of 18.”

Coursework in gender and women’s studies, and the choice to make that a focus instead of nursing, helped Miche to better understand their own identity, although they still remained closeted around their gender identity during most of their time at VCU.  However, they did start using gender-neutral pronouns and began the work of breaking down the feminine performance they had felt locked in for so long. This also paved the way for a true embrace of their queer identity.

“For me, being queer is all about love and all about community.  It’s like a courageous rebellion.  To live authentically with an altruistic kindness and love for yourself and your community.  I think it’s really cool to embrace to embrace the “otherness” of your identity as a radical act. Queer is the perfect umbrella term because it not only covers not only your romantic and sexual interests but a way of life.”

Following the completion of their degree from VCU, Miche set out to do community work centered on combating domestic violence. However, they ultimately found a different calling, one that felt more authentic and provided a safe space for them to embrace a truer identity: cosmetic tattooing. They combined a love of body art, makeup, and creating connections.

“I’ve always considered myself an artist, but I struggled to find a medium that I felt really embraced my creativity. Then, I developed love for makeup and began doing freelance makeup work, and later learned about cosmetic tattooing and jumped right in.  I found this great creative space and this medium for my expression — but it ultimately reinforced feminine performance. I started getting a great deal of validation and affirmation from my makeup and femininity, feminine beauty.”

Despite the rewards of setting their own schedule and building a thriving business, Miche felt trapped in a web of anxiety and gender dysphoria, with waves that would last for weeks at a time. They knew it was time to fully embrace who they knew they were inside, despite fears that it could effect them in highly negative ways both personally and professionally.

“For a long time, I felt like I would have to meet people, express myself in a certain way to where they would like me and be comfortable with me, and then I could come out one day and they would still like me. That was the hope. It always felt like I was waiting for acceptance. And then I decided — I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m going to live as who I am.”

It felt like scary move to make. When Miche began cosmetic tattooing, they didn’t realize that their clientele would be made up for older, higher income women that they feared would reject them after coming out, not fellow millennials that frequented tattoo shops. They didn’t perceive this community of customers to be highly accepting, seeing them as another reason to remain closeted and silent.

On February 27. 2020, Miche came out.

As the pandemic took hold of the nation in 2020, Miche felt it was time. After five years of negotiating this identity and creating queer community, they stopped waiting for the “perfect time.” The fear that quarantine and uncertainty about what lay ahead made them feel that it was time to start living a whole and authentic life now.

“I feel like [the pandemic] pushed many of us to be ready to express ourselves. I think for many of us, myself included, we’d been waiting for the perfect time to come out, to embrace ourselves publicly. I think living though such a traumatic and uncertain time pushed me to live what is true for myself,” said Miche. “I wasn’t willing to live a watered down version of myself anymore.”

With a childhood spent mirroring femininity of women around them, it was time for Miche to carve out their own identity and a forge a new beginning outwardly and inwardly. Part of that process was accepting that they did not have to be binary in their identity. It didn’t have to be “woman” or “man,” one or the other.

“Gender dysphoria for me was looking in the mirror and realizing that this is your body, but it doesn’t match your soul. It is a hollowing and isolating feeling.”

Coming out meant embracing “the grey” — accepting that they were something outside masculine or feminine, man or woman, and also beginning to see that they were not alone in their experience. Once they accepted that, Miche felt ready to break out of box of hiding and rejected themself.

Immediately, they began to search for a surgeon to perform top surgery and started testosterone on April 21, 2020. They also addressed their gender identity publicly on social media. Despite some trolling and the loss of a few clients, Miche felt themself embraced with love and caring.

“I thought it was going to be really bad. I thought I’d lose a lot of clients, a lot of my online following. But everyone I work with was very, very supportive and even correct my pronouns when speaking to others. It was definitely a weird transition period. When you begin to transition, it’s not just about a change in you. Everyone around you, in a sense, is transitioning, too.”

After years of holding back, Miche was excited and refused to take things slowly. Diving into socially transitioning, beginning testosterone, and finding a top surgeon all came at once. They were ready to stop waiting, particularly with the changes happening surrounding the pandemic.

“I just wasn’t interested in wasting my time, my life, anymore,” Miche reflected. “All my clients — including the ones I was afraid would abandon me — really embrace me. They ask questions; they support me. It’s brought amazing positivity to my life. People even defend me.”

“I felt so caught up in the feminine things I was doing, and I was so caught up in believing it had to be that way. Now, I know it never had to be that way. I can be me and still find love around me. It’s been surreal. Every day I wake up and feel I look a little different. My body is changing — from muscle mass to facial structure. It’s a vulnerable process.”

But the part they wouldn’t change is the decision to move forward. Transitioning doesn’t feel as stressful as living with gender dysphoria and not feeling at home in their body.

With a life lived in the open now, Miche finds it easier to embrace all of their identity, using words like “authentic” as well as “bold” and “courageous” to describe themself, while also embracing other parts of their identity from polyamory to pansexuality. They know experience life fully, openly, boldly, and with more openness and vulnerability than ever before.

“I embrace vulnerability,” says Miche. “Just being true and in tune with my identity. I’ve worked hard with the support of so many to get here.”